ang sarap maging ako

my life. im not mayaman. im not super maganda. i dont hava career (for 2 years now). im not a genius in any field or a champion of any skills or sports.

but when i look at my daughter.. haaaay ang ganda ganda nya. she's very bright. very healthy. so sweet to mommy. soooooo cute and loving and (demanding) and (heavy) and (matakaw) haha. im sooo in love.

ang sarap maging ako. nanay ni jamila.

tha title...

make yourself is tha title i've decided for my blog. i love most of tha songs by incubus because i can relate to it.

this song, MAKE YOURSELF is supposedly made especially for cancer patients that incubus are helping (or so i believe). i dedicate this to myself and to all those peeps who need to pick up their lives and fight..

tha song goes.. (and im typing it cuz all that i can find online are shitty wrong..)


if i hadnt made me, would've been made somehow
if i hadnt assembled myself id've fallen apart by now
if i hadnt made me, i'd be more inclined to bow
powers that be would've swallowed me up but that's more than i can allow

if u let em make u, they'll make u papier mache
at a distance ur stronger until tha wind comes then u crumble and blow away
if u let em fuck u, there will be no foreplay
rest assured they'll screw u complete so ur ass is blue and grey

u should make amends w u.. if only for better health..better health
but if really want to live.. why not try and make urself.. make urself...

if i hadnt made me id've fallen apart by
i wouldnt let make me.. it's more than i can allow
so when i make me i wont be papier mache
and i fuck me i'll fuck me in my own way (many many times over haha)
u should make amends w u, if only for better health.. better health..
but if u really want to live, why not try and make urself...
make urself.. make urself.. make urself.. make urself..



there whew! i always loved listening to that song because it rings all tha reality that i must face and brave once more. i will make it why not? i just need to get started.

which reminds me of a character i read in one of laila lalami's books. i forgot her name but she's an abused wife. a 29-year old woman who looks a lot older because of poverty and physical drudgery imposed on her by her husband a drunk.. there was a scene she saw in one of the posters in their poverty-stricken rabat and it goes "do something for your future-TODAY". that made her brave (and risk) an illegal emigration to spagna to form a new life for herself and her children, away from the abusive husband. they failed. the guardia civil along tha shores caught them and they were deported back to morroco. she went back to her pathetic existence. but tha point is, she tried, SHE TRIED. she failed but she's still alive.

there's nothing wrong w trying or w failing. life goes on.